Our Common Humanity Helps
Prior to Embodied Self-Compassion, I believed that I was ‘terminally unique’. I used to think the life problems I encountered were because I wasn’t doing “it” right, I had the wrong life-road map.
I thought that ‘storms and rains’ (pains and problems) shouldn’t exists in my life if I was living according to the “rules”.
If I encountered pain, it was magnified by thoughts and feelings that, I created this and brought it on myself (somehow?!). Believing that pain was the result of my errors rather than a required part of being human. The story I was telling myself is that ‘pain shouldn’t be happening, and pain is wrong’, which lead to…and I’m wrong for having it.
Enter the 2nd core component of Self-Compassion, Common Humanity. Opening to the idea of pain being a part of life for every human. That if you are a human being, it’s guaranteed that you will experience pain. Everyone suffers. The degree and circumstances may be different, but suffering is suffering, pain is pain.
In the life-changing book ‘Self-Compassion’ by Kristen Neff, she states that common humanity is “Feeling connected with others in the experience of life rather than feeling isolated and alienated by our suffering.
Now, this may sound twisted to think that the idea that everyone suffers can create feelings of belonging and self-compassion, however that’s exactly what it does.
Maybe this is why support groups and 12 step programs are so helpful, there’s a real feeling of we’re not the only ones going through S*%@.
I began to embody this idea that I am not alone in my suffering, that it’s a part of life and as long as I am living, I will encounter it from time to time. As does everyone else. Accepting pain as a part of life, rather than denying it or thinking it was personal.
However, we don’t often talk about it, or at least as much as we talk (or show) the successes and the triumphs. That’s when it feels lonely and isolating. Why are we embarrassed about our pain, when it’s a natural part of Being?
These are the storms and the rains of our life. The upset, the pain, the suffering, that comes in and shakes up, blows life around and maybe even destroys some parts of it. And what is left after the storm? Rebuilding, cleansing, maybe laying new foundation. Change. Ultimately growth.
“Without the storms and rains, life would cease to be.”
We need rains and storms to feed the Earth and create new life. This goes for our lives, too. We need them for balance, to help us evolve and grow.
To view things in this way is a choice, and a practice. The ego can still default into self-pity or denial at times and that’s ok, I accept that too. Self-pity says “poor me” self-compassion says “everyone suffers” and offers comfort that everyone is human. This is why we say “it’s only human to make mistakes” to recognize the common humanity and offer comfort.
Living with the concept of common humanity has put me on equal ground with every other human being “humaning” out there. It brings about new perspective about ourselves and our lives.
“When we’re in touch with our common humanity, we remember that feelings of inadequacy and disappointment are shared by all…the pain I feel in difficult times is the same pain you feel in difficult times.” - Kristen Neff
